Beautiful changes

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So much of who I am has been in a state of metamorphosis lately. I feel it deep down, and have felt it for quite a while. I am not so self-absorbed to think that other people in my life have noticed, I doubt anyone pays that much attention to me. It is there, though, and as insignificant as they may be to those around me, these changes in me feel monumental.

I think a lot of times, life is about changing. We are not meant to be stagnant as humans. We are ever-evolving, learning and developing creatures. A lot of my life up to now has been spent trying to merge who I am at the core with who I felt directed to be based on societal norms and the rules and regulations set for me by a narrow minded society. I shaped my goals and dreams to fit the expectations of society with the dreams I held in my core. The very essence of who I am as a person was always bubbling there, beneath the surface, waiting for permission to consume me.

And that brings us to now… the me I have always been deep down, the me I have been a little bit afraid to fully unveil, is finally bubbling up to the surface, and I’m ready to embrace her and become her. Without fear of who will (or won’t) accept me for who I am at the core, I am ready to drop all pretenses, and discard the facades I have built up and worn like masks. I’m ready to reveal myself in all my fullness.

I’ve always said that I want to encourage my boys to be exactly who they are without feeling the need to change who they are to fit into someone else’s mold of who they need to be. I figure if I’m going to teach them to be true to themselves, I should start by being true to myself as well. Living by example and all.

Maybe much of who I truly am is the same as who I’ve always been, and maybe I’m the only one who notices a difference. But it is what it is. I am who I am, and I am no longer going to hide in fear of being too much.

Life is still a zoo, and I’m still going to be posting here about my family life, autism, parenting, and the things that I have always written about. But I will also be posting about my sacred adornments, my daily rituals, my nerdy and dorky interests/obsessions, my relationship with the world around me on a spiritual level, communion with angels, the energy and light that fills everything around me, and all of the little bits and pieces that make up my life and who I am.

Starting Over

SDC11932I don’t know what happened, and Doug can’t figure it out either. A few months ago I had issues logging into my blog, and it couldn’t be fixed. Doug ended up having to wipe out everything and start over. My wonderful husband feels terrible, though it isn’t his fault. He did the best he could. I was able to get the appearance (mostly) back to how I had it, and Doug did his best to save my content. But he couldn’t access my blog to get to the archives, and had to save it from the database. I don’t even know what all of that means. The content of my previous posts is a wall of text in a notepad document. There are years of posts that are fairly unrecognizable.

I have two options now. I can either sift through and backpost each posts (or just my favourites), and try to sort out the HTML to clean up each post; or I can start over. I haven’t officially decided to scrap the posts, but for now I am starting over. I liked to think this blog was here to help other people. I liked to think my words meant something to someone other than me, but I don’t know that it matters. My words mean something to me, and those years of blog posts that are sitting all jumbled up in a file I can’t make sense of kind of break my heart. But here is my blank slate, a chance to re-invent myself. Who do I want to be?  What do I want to make of myself? Truth be told, I’m pretty okay being myself.

So here I am, starting over. Most of you know my story already, but for anyone who is new to this corner of the internet, welcome. I’ll have the “about” pages completed soon, and you’ll be able to get up to speed. For now… check out the links to the right and find me on facebook, twitter, and pinterest.

This is my zoo. I’m Shauna, the head zookeeper! My co-zookeeper is Doug, and our zoo consists of Monkey- our 4 year old autistic little dude; and Bear- our 2 year old snuggle bug. We are also joined by Fish- a two and a half year old betta fish, Ozzy- a seven and a half year old greyhound, and Delilah- a 9 year old calico cat. This zoo is wonderful, beautiful, loud, messy, snuggly, crazy, and mine.

I’m back!

After a long hiatus due, primarily, to technical difficulties and my inability to understand how these things work, I’m back!

My wonderful husband tried to fix my blog, leaving all the content there, but was unsuccessful. So, he reset the blog and I’m starting from scratch. He says he will show me how to put my past posts back up, so in the near future all my posts will be back in the blog where they belong.

For now, this is it. I have been sitting here for two hours getting my blog back up and running, and Monkey will be home from school soon, so I’ll have to come back with a general update later.

Until then, DFTBA.