So much of who I am has been in a state of metamorphosis lately. I feel it deep down, and have felt it for quite a while. I am not so self-absorbed to think that other people in my life have noticed, I doubt anyone pays that much attention to me. It is there, though, and as insignificant as they may be to those around me, these changes in me feel monumental.
I think a lot of times, life is about changing. We are not meant to be stagnant as humans. We are ever-evolving, learning and developing creatures. A lot of my life up to now has been spent trying to merge who I am at the core with who I felt directed to be based on societal norms and the rules and regulations set for me by a narrow minded society. I shaped my goals and dreams to fit the expectations of society with the dreams I held in my core. The very essence of who I am as a person was always bubbling there, beneath the surface, waiting for permission to consume me.
And that brings us to now… the me I have always been deep down, the me I have been a little bit afraid to fully unveil, is finally bubbling up to the surface, and I’m ready to embrace her and become her. Without fear of who will (or won’t) accept me for who I am at the core, I am ready to drop all pretenses, and discard the facades I have built up and worn like masks. I’m ready to reveal myself in all my fullness.
I’ve always said that I want to encourage my boys to be exactly who they are without feeling the need to change who they are to fit into someone else’s mold of who they need to be. I figure if I’m going to teach them to be true to themselves, I should start by being true to myself as well. Living by example and all.
Maybe much of who I truly am is the same as who I’ve always been, and maybe I’m the only one who notices a difference. But it is what it is. I am who I am, and I am no longer going to hide in fear of being too much.
Life is still a zoo, and I’m still going to be posting here about my family life, autism, parenting, and the things that I have always written about. But I will also be posting about my sacred adornments, my daily rituals, my nerdy and dorky interests/obsessions, my relationship with the world around me on a spiritual level, communion with angels, the energy and light that fills everything around me, and all of the little bits and pieces that make up my life and who I am.